Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
