Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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