on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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