It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
