I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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