just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
