i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
