i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
