what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
