I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
