This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
