Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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