just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
