I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
