this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
