you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
