Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Randomize
