Where did you get a picture of my penis
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
