I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i already hear my dad disowning me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
