We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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