'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
