She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick