remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.