Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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