It's Friday. Sex?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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