Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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