So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
