there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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