I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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