i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize