All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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