And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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