So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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