How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize