PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
