It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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