Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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