I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize