Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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