Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
if only i could text you this smell
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
