So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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