You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
