Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
