I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
