i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
