Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
