i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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