I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
