how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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