New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
