things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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