I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
