So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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