girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
