I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
