i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
