He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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