What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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