whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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