I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
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good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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