I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
