he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
